You might begin to feel frustrated, irritated, annoyed and begin thinking about how ridiculous this is, they always do this, does he/she think we are teenagers, what s wrong with them etc. We could say you are triggered and you probably have a need (stage one). You could say, I need you to stop acting like a teenager and take me home or you could say, I m noticing I m tired and I have a need for sweatpants (or to be home, comfort, rest stage two). In fiveyear increments, he builds the story of how his sexuality developed. In the early years, many husbands have rather normal experiences of sexual experimenting which contribute to the shaping of sexual identity and development. He may also have experienced various forms of abuse or abandonment. These also effect his identity and development. I realized then that it is impossible to "kill off" the addiction, and that hating and controlling the addict part of themselves could only lead back to shame and problems. That afternoon, I sat down with the guys and we had a group treatment experience. For an hour, we did gestalt work talking to that poor, ugly stuffed dragon. So sobriety may look different for different people. A core concept from 12-step recovery programs is that there is a profound difference between true sobriety and mere abstinence. From this perspective, sobriety is much more than staying away from unwanted behavior. It includes a deep sense of serenity and a consistent ability to "live life on life's terms", often with deep connections with other people and a sense of meaning in daily life. This is why pornography is such a big deal. Visual information is processed faster than any of our other senses. Even the ingestion of heroin or cocaine is much slower in comparison. The brain responds to visual sexual images in microseconds, and the chemical reactions take place instantly and automatically. You develop an improved sense of confidence that allows you to attune to the reality that the addict s behaviors affect you but are in no way, shape, or form because of you. The addict acted out because he is an addict. He did not act out because you were not good enough or not worthy of his love. You could not cause his acting out.