They are: Stopping sexual behaviours Stopping rituals Stopping fantasy Healing despair Healing shame. Stopping sexual behaviours Admitting there's a problem is the first step to coming out of denial. Once the addiction is admitted, the next step is to stop addictive behaviours. Just as an alcoholic must stop drinking alcohol, a sex addict must stop all sexual acting out behaviours. Sex addicts often report feelings of guilt, shame and remorse associated with their sexual experiences. Addicts may feel hopeless and powerless in their situation, believing they have no control over their sexual thoughts and actions. Therefore, they get stuck in a loop of negative behaviors. Patrick Carnes calls this The Offending Cycle . For them, the question then goes to their need to heal and move forward from the wounds and trauma of betrayal. The Gospels record Jesus asking a total of 307 questions throughout His ministry. One takes place at the pool of Bethesda and is recorded in the Gospel of John, Chapter 5. Here, we are told of Jesus asking a paralytic, Do you want to get well? Another victory for me has been that I found the confidence in myself to apply for nursing school at age 34 with four kids also in school. I have found joy in following this dream that I thought I had given up a decade ago when I didn t get accepted back in 2010. Perhaps the best part of our story is that when our oldest child gets her first smartphone as a teenager next year, I know exactly the first app I am going to install on it to keep her safe from pornography. As clinicians, we have to embrace our inner case manager to keep up with the demands of this work. And remember, we play an important role in helping clients who are struggling with sexual addiction. With counseling, they can learn that sex is not a bad thing and that they can experience it in a healthy way. Requiring them to return fixed and ready to surrender themselves to another healing process alongside their unfaithful partner is actually harmful and unfair. Essentially, if your couples therapist says, Go get more help on your own, they are effectively deeming you a lost cause. After all, they are a relationship expert, literally sending you away from your relationship for not being good enough at forgiving and forgetting.