All humans need positive reinforcement, especially when they are working on relational repair. In the new book Help.Them.Heal, I am going to share situations which I am sure you will find some parallels or pieces to relate to as you examine your own relationship. You will also see how relational skills help repair the present-day problems that are buried in relational trauma. Setting boundaries is a starting point, and as your marriage progresses and trust is rebuilt, these boundaries can evolve. Regular discussions with your husband and a counselor are encouraged to ensure the boundaries remain effective. The main goals of boundaries are not to turn into your spouse s parole officer or to seek revenge. We can look at the navigation of needs in several stages. As I break it down, think about which part may be most difficult for you. Step 1: The first step is to identify that you have a need. Often, it is easier to notice and think about others what they are doing, not doing, what we don t like about them, etc. If they respond to their addictive longings by calling someone in recovery, going to a meeting, etc., then the call of the addict has served its purpose and deserves appreciation. This replaces shameful behavior with self-nurturing and healthy attachment. Group Treatment Experience When I provided inpatient treatment for Dr. Today, after years of working on recovery, he no longer has this problem. He finds it easier to be more productive and engaged in his job. He no longer feels the pull of pornography coming from his phone at all times, at home and at work. My biggest personal victory has been the peace and confidence I feel when I help my children navigate the world of technology. The powerful energy inside can be like a runaway train gaining speed until it crashes. Betrayed partners learn that betrayers live in a state of secret destructive entitlement. Education about the conditions that led to the betrayer s choices and deception is essential for the betrayed partner s healing.