Their lives are broken to pieces, and they are overwhelmed with shame, often thinking, How could I be so stupid not to realize what was happening right under my nose? I m such a fool for trusting him/her. They feel they are going crazy. But these feelings are all normal because in all likelihood, this is the most shocking and confounding crisis they have ever experienced. It is a state where the physical-chemical brain demands or compels one towards a specific behavior regardless of what the mind or conscience says. There appears to be something inherent in the human family that feels it is wrong to view the private sexual acts of others. In other words, the mind, the electrically intelligent part of us, cannot feel good about participating. This means the sex addict faces a huge inner conflict to either stay in hiding or come out of hiding. Sexual acting out strengthens despair, leading an addict into greater isolation and shame. It seems counterintuitive and yet it is a spiritual truth. This is why support groups for sex addicts are vital. Group Treatment Experience When I provided inpatient treatment for Dr. Carnes, we had stuffed animals for hugging in our hospital day room. Between the cute stuffed animals was an ugly, humpbacked dragon with only one eye. Once, as I walked past, I saw some patients kicking this creature around and calling it names. This could be the diagnosis of a sexually transmitted disease, an arrest, attempting suicide or anything else that causes the addict to commit to change. The shock stage. For the next six to eight months, the addict has admitted to the problem but is in shock and disbelief. She feels angry and hopeless but ultimately relieved that she has finally admitted to having an addiction to sexual behaviors. I can see as you look at the pictures from the Memorial Day family picnic that you feel sadness because now you question the reality of what really happened on that day. It feels like I contaminated the joyful event. Reassurance That You Have Changed, and Your Top Priority Is to Help Her Heal It will be necessary to share how you are changing and what you are working on to focus on your recovery and her healing (You do not want to be cocky or arrogant.