It s okay to begin with 5% trust and let your partner earn more trust until you reach your comfort zone. It s perfectly okay if your new comfort zone is a trust level of 70 or 80%. If you are the betraying partner: Please lean into the recovery process understanding that no fixes exist, quick or otherwise. Education about the conditions that led to the betrayer s choices and deception is essential for the betrayed partner s healing. Still, it is in no way a justification or vindication of the betrayer s egregious behavior. It is complicated to understand that there are two truths for people who struggle with sex addiction: they love their partner (in the way they know love) and act out sexually with themselves or others. And the problem is no different with looking for information there is always the possibility that something was hidden too well. Volunteering information is a process of owning one s faults and sinful behaviors. It allows for brokenness and repentance. It also begins the long journey of trust-building. It is during this stage that the study found sex addicts truly began to enjoy life again and felt confident in having strong, healthy sexual relationships. The Need for Lasting Change It s only natural to feel a sense of despair when you see how long it can take to heal from sex addiction. You should also feel hope, though. They are now older and we can talk openly about the dangers of pornography, how to avoid it, and why pornography is so dangerous for your brain. This is something that never would have happened without the trials that my husband and I have endured together. Another victory for me has been that I found the confidence in myself to apply for nursing school at age 34 with four kids also in school. Your reactivity decreases and your distress acceptance takes the charge out of the fear equation. The secondary gain is that you begin to apply this constructively compassionate mindset to others as well. The Early Recovery Couples Empathy Model incorporates these skills to help you to become less reactive to your environment and the reality of the betrayal.