The Spouse s Choice in the Face of Sex Addiction It can be a rough road to healing for the spouse. Feelings of confusion, betrayal, abandonment, and even anger and hate, are normal responses under these circumstances. At this point, the spouse faces a choice in her response to her partner s addiction and actions. This could be the diagnosis of a sexually transmitted disease, an arrest, attempting suicide or anything else that causes the addict to commit to change. The shock stage. For the next six to eight months, the addict has admitted to the problem but is in shock and disbelief. She feels angry and hopeless but ultimately relieved that she has finally admitted to having an addiction to sexual behaviors. If they respond to their addictive longings by calling someone in recovery, going to a meeting, etc., then the call of the addict has served its purpose and deserves appreciation. This replaces shameful behavior with self-nurturing and healthy attachment. Group Treatment Experience When I provided inpatient treatment for Dr. If you're the unfaithful partner and you want to know how to help your spouse heal from your affair, read more about our betrayal trauma recovery program in Florida, California, NY and the USA Don t Assume The Pain After Infidelity Is Your Partner s Job To Resolve Too many people, including therapists, view the pain after infidelity as individual pain. Unhealthy shame tells me I am worthless, I am no good. Unhealthy shame attacks my value as a person; healthy shame judges my behaviour, not my person, as right or wrong. I may have done something bad, but that doesn t make me a bad person. Addicts have to learn how to differentiate between healthy and unhealthy shame. Support for Maintaining Sexual Sobriety Most self-identified sex addicts who want to maintain their sexual sobriety find it extremely beneficial to have regular contact with other people who are on similar journeys. This is often best obtained by attending 12-step meetings. This is where you can find a sponsor, which is a person who has extensive sobriety who provides ongoing personal support and mentoring.