My job is to help you use compassion so that you can surrender to what has happened to you and through compassion find an identity that is separate from partner betrayal. When you do this, you decrease reactivity and begin to trust yourself again so that you can appreciate who you are and your own intuition. This is where you can find a sponsor, which is a person who has extensive sobriety who provides ongoing personal support and mentoring. Meeting attendance is also a good way to develop relationships with people who are sources of accountability and support. It can be confusing to discover that there are several different 12-step groups for sex addiction, each with a somewhat different definition of sexual sobriety. We each took this opportunity to say, "Thanks for helping us survive, we see you, we will listen now, we will take care of you. We can work together without shame." Replacing Shame The work done that day underscores the importance of relieving the burden of shame from the recovering sex addict. Just as an alcoholic must stop drinking alcohol, a sex addict must stop all sexual acting out behaviours. Sometimes these behaviours are obvious, like no more sex outside of marriage, but sometimes they are subtle, like flirting. Again, this is where honesty with self and others is vital. Recovery support is essential, because trying to stop these behaviours without the support of God and others is nearly impossible. Therefore, they get stuck in a loop of negative behaviors. Patrick Carnes calls this The Offending Cycle . As a result, antidepressants and cognitive behavioral therapy are a common treatment option for sex addiction. Bipolar Disorders as Symptom and Cause Bipolar disorder can be both a cause and a symptom of compulsive sexual behavior, as, untreated bipolar disorder may lead to behaviors consistent with sex addiction. It allows for brokenness and repentance. It also begins the long journey of trust-building. When we lead a couple through full disclosure, the husband (or unfaithful partner), creates a time-line of his entire sexual history, starting from birth. In fiveyear increments, he builds the story of how his sexuality developed.