If you manage a period of sexual abstinence correctly you will learn some important lessons about yourself that will help you for the rest of your life, especially if you combine it with other constructive actions. There are many people who can go 90 days without sex with relative ease. But if you are a person whose sexual behaviors have taken you where you don't want to go time and again then you may find a 90 day period of sexual abstinence to be a serious challenge. And they learn that a relationship is something to value but not something they need to survive or to feel good about themselves. A recovering addict who has accomplished these things and desires a healthy relationship may consider some factors for further readiness. Consider the following checklist: Is in active, engaged recovery and maintains a support group of friends, recovery partner(s) and sponsor Has grown more aware of his or her feelings and is able and willing to talk about them to others Has learned how to reach out to others when difficult feelings or cravings emerge, or when issues arise in close relationships Has acknowledged any co-occurring or crossover addictions and is working on them in recovery Has acknowledged any co-occurring mental illnesses that may be present and has sought help. determine what is missing in the therapeutic process so they can help them feel better. A man sitting with his head down while a woman puts her hand on his head to comfort him. This can represent a betraying partner trying to support her betrayed spouse. If you're the unfaithful partner and you want to know how to help your spouse heal from your affair, read more about our betrayal trauma recovery program in Florida, California, NY and the USA Don t Assume The Pain After Infidelity Is Your Partner s Job To Resolve Too many people, including therapists, view the pain after infidelity as individual pain. Counselors should not venture into this arena because they think it is interesting or they want to learn along with the client. This could be significantly more harmful than helpful and could lead the client and all those associated with the client down the wrong path. At the very least, a background in addictions or forensic psychology should be a qualification. Our addict, who longed for acknowledgement and help, had been angry about being ignored and shut out, and had found sex as a means for attention and validation. We each took this opportunity to say, "Thanks for helping us survive, we see you, we will listen now, we will take care of you. We can work together without shame. Once they reach independence in adulthood, now free of their former rigid environment, they may struggle to self-regulate their behavior. People with traumatic backgrounds may develop trauma responses that manifest as compulsive sexual behaviors. This can include developing a sense of unworthiness (which can cause guilt and shame in sexual experiences), extreme risk-taking with the goal of achieving fleeting pleasure and re-creation of the traumatic experience, also called trauma reenactment.