A couples therapist that sends your partner to heal alone with me or another therapist sends them towards failure and more self-blame. In reality, they just need to seek healing with you. One day at a time. The only person who can help a hurt partner heal is their unfaithful spouse. No one else. You are the one who has the power to help them regain trust and want to forgive. Every betrayed partner is dealt two blows at once when they discover their spouse s sexual behavior. Blow number one is the gut punch of betrayal; a breathtaking breach in trust that changes your relationship in permanent ways. Blow number two is the shocking realization that your partner has been extravagantly and expertly lying and manipulating reality in order to cover up their behaviors. Financial and technological transparency: Request access to his phone, bank statements, email accounts, and credit card statements. Full disclosure: Consider guided therapeutic disclosure by a professional counselor to ensure honesty and openness. Recovery support: Encourage your husband to seek counseling, support groups, or accountability groups. At the very least, a background in addictions or forensic psychology should be a qualification. Counselors can also receive training and specialized certifications in sexual addictions, such as the certified sex addiction therapist program at the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals, which was founded by Carnes. Sex Addiction Understanding the mind and brain helps with the healing process. Viewing pornography leaves feelings of frustration, irritation, depression, anxiety, emptiness, and debilitating shame. These feelings directly result from chemical disruptions in the brain that are unnatural and unsustainable for any healthy or satisfying life. According to Hatch, these intimacy disorders develop in addicts as a result of early experiences in their [families] of origin that failed to produce a secure attachment to their caregivers. These may take the form of neglect, abuse, abandonment or the absence of an appropriately nurturing caregiver.