In this way our adult relationships mirror our relationship with our parents as children; both, when functioning well, provide us with a secure base from which we can enter our worlds with confidence. Breaking Bad If it is true that when we attach to someone healthy and functional, it feels good and provides a sense of security, grounding, safety and wholeness, then the opposite is also true. Doing the right thing does not mean that it doesn t hurt, but with adequate support and love, hurt can lead to great transformation. It has been our research experience that virtually all of the couples we have worked with who go through disclosure will not only survive but thrive as a result. It is our prayer for all of you who are stuck because truth has not been completely shared, that God will lead you to professionals who can support your full-disclosure. Its primary function is to keep us alive, and it does this by driving us to avoid pain and seek pleasure. Difference Between Mind And Brain The Physical Brain The physical-chemical brain has a tremendous capacity to gain control of the mind. It can subject it and trap it. In other words, it can take over the human will and influence how a person thinks, feels, and acts. Financial and technological transparency: Request access to his phone, bank statements, email accounts, and credit card statements. Full disclosure: Consider guided therapeutic disclosure by a professional counselor to ensure honesty and openness. Recovery support: Encourage your husband to seek counseling, support groups, or accountability groups. Putting It Together Let s walk it through with an example: Let s say you are at your spouse s work event on a Friday evening. As the evening moves on, you become aware that your spouse is going to want to stay for a while longer. You might begin to feel frustrated, irritated, annoyed and begin thinking about how ridiculous this is, they always do this, does he/she think we are teenagers, what s wrong with them etc. He states that it is only by having a mind focused on the utilization of constructively compassionate interventions will the partner then be able to gain the ability to remain present with herself. Constructively compassionate is defined as allowing oneself to be fully present with the experience of oneself, while fostering a mutual acceptance of suffering, to bring a kinder reaction to distressing emotionality.