It makes sense to me that looking at our Memorial Day picnic pictures causes you great pain Validation of Her Feelings Using the Five Primary Feelings It can be difficult to ascertain how she is feeling, so it is helpful to focus on her primary feeling (and see if you got it right). If you were indeed able to figure out the primary feeling, you will be able to validate it later in your day if it comes up. When the American Psychiatric Association made the bold decision not to include sex addiction in the DSM-5 (the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fifth edition), many felt the choice was controversial. Those against its inclusion argue that it does not meet sufficient diagnostic criteria and that pathologizing sexual behavior can have dangerous ramifications. These boundaries aim to provide space for both partners to heal and avoid conflict escalation. If your safety is at risk, you should not tolerate physical or sexual violence and should seek help from appropriate authorities. Common physical boundaries include: Exiting volatile situations: Remove yourself when conflicts become heated. Consider the following checklist: Is in active, engaged recovery and maintains a support group of friends, recovery partner(s) and sponsor Has grown more aware of his or her feelings and is able and willing to talk about them to others Has learned how to reach out to others when difficult feelings or cravings emerge, or when issues arise in close relationships Has acknowledged any co-occurring or crossover addictions and is working on them in recovery Has acknowledged any co-occurring mental illnesses that may be present and has sought help. On a practical level, it looks like replacing sinful habits (like watching porn) with new things, like learning more about God, investing time with people, showing kindness, and using your resources to help and encourage others. However, since this is produced by the Spirit, it s not just a matter of forcing yourself to be more spiritual. The traumatized partner s mind is on a perpetual search to find more certainty, which can lead to more suffering, and yet it is the survival skill attempting to keep the partner safe. A partner s attempts to find safety can exacerbate her fears because her primary need is to feel safe and survive. This can create more suffering because she is in that hypervigilant state to know the truth.