It has been our research experience that virtually all of the couples we have worked with who go through disclosure will not only survive but thrive as a result. It is our prayer for all of you who are stuck because truth has not been completely shared, that God will lead you to professionals who can support your full-disclosure. Like Josh, Derek is also six months sober. He is at a social gathering and his friends decide to watch a rather risqu television show that everyone is talking about. Because he is among friends, Derek takes a risk and discloses that he is a sex addict and is not supposed to watch those types of shows because of potential triggers and the risk of relapse. Holiness Means Receiving God s Grace For Christians, overcoming pornography is not primarily about self-discipline or willpower. It s about God s grace working in a believer s life. Christians should rely on God s strength through prayer, Scripture, the Holy Spirit, and Christian community, rather than trying to conquer sin by their own efforts (Philippians 2:13). If medications have been prescribed, manages their use safely and consistently and attends doctor and therapy appointments regularly Has been screened for STIs and treated when necessary. Is willing to be forthright about STI history and willing to speak openly about a potential partner s STI history before sex Desires a relationship not out of need or desperation, but as a reasoned decision to add value to his or her life As the SLAA 12 Promises state: Love will be a committed, thoughtful decision, rather than a feeling by which we are overwhelmed. Recovery support is essential, because trying to stop these behaviours without the support of God and others is nearly impossible. Addicts learn from other recovering addicts what healthy sexual behaviour is and what it is not. Without help to address the underlying causes that drive sexual addiction, sexual addicts are only able to stop acting out temporarily, and that only because of an enormous amount of willpower. Gottlieb mentioned that whenever someone comes into her office to discuss infidelity, she wonders what other infidelities might be going on not necessarily other affairs but the more subtle ways that partners can stray that also threaten a marriage. In his book Contrary to Love, Patrick Carnes said his research indicated that 97% of individuals who were addicted to sex had been emotionally abused as children.