If you want to know how to help your spouse heal from your affair in the USA & Canada, you can schedule a free consultation with Relationship Experts. No! There are two key problems with approaching recovery this way: A: Navigating The Process Productively Will Not Feel Positive (And That s Okay) Processing betrayal is messy. For example, a husband might blame his porn use on his wife s physical appearance or lower desire for sex, and a wife might start micromanaging and punishing every mistake. Both of these attitudes are unhealthy for the relationship. To avoid or correct this issue in your own marriage, establishing boundaries is crucial. But in the absence of a healing/recovery process, the betrayed partner s anger intensifies and can cause them to be further traumatized by sifting through emails, texts and conversations, asking for every minute detail of the affair. As anger ferments, it can lead to rage. Rage can wreak havoc on the body, leading to health problems. If medications have been prescribed, manages their use safely and consistently and attends doctor and therapy appointments regularly Has been screened for STIs and treated when necessary. Is willing to be forthright about STI history and willing to speak openly about a potential partner s STI history before sex Desires a relationship not out of need or desperation, but as a reasoned decision to add value to his or her life As the SLAA 12 Promises state: Love will be a committed, thoughtful decision, rather than a feeling by which we are overwhelmed. Recovery and healing are not one-time events. Sexual addiction takes many years to develop and will require time for genuine health to be restored. It s much like losing weight: it takes time to gain weight and will take time to lose it. Many adjustments will need to be made in order to overcome sexual addiction. If you were indeed able to figure out the primary feeling, you will be able to validate it later in your day if it comes up. Remember to identify one of these five feelings: anger, sadness, loneliness, happiness or fear. I can see as you look at the pictures from the Memorial Day family picnic that you feel sadness because now you question the reality of what really happened on that day.