From this perspective, sobriety is much more than staying away from unwanted behavior. It includes a deep sense of serenity and a consistent ability to "live life on life's terms", often with deep connections with other people and a sense of meaning in daily life. The Role of An Initial Period of Abstinence In Sex Addiction Recovery Even though refraining from all sex is usually not a sex addict's ultimate goal, an initial period of sexual abstinence (such as 90 days) can be a good idea. We spoke to him about how we had dishonored him, understanding how he, as our addict, had only tried to help us become aware of our needs and encourage us to reach out for nurturing, validation, and support. We acknowledged that in our active addiction that we hadn't ever responded to his call in ways that respected him. I know that as couples seek to heal and transform from the hurts of infidelity, full disclosure is an important part of trust-building. Often a wife learns about unfaithful behaviors through her own accidental discovery or through more intentional detective work. Either might lead her to ask many questions that sometimes her husband may or may not be willing to answer. The Spouse s Choice in the Face of Sex Addiction It can be a rough road to healing for the spouse. Feelings of confusion, betrayal, abandonment, and even anger and hate, are normal responses under these circumstances. At this point, the spouse faces a choice in her response to her partner s addiction and actions. Common accountability measures include: Accountability software: Use monitoring software to track his online activity. Financial and technological transparency: Request access to his financial and technological accounts. Full disclosure: Consider guided therapeutic disclosure for complete honesty. Recovery support: Encourage him to seek counseling or join a support group. If you are struggling to control your impulses when it comes to sexual behaviors, you may need to get professional help. The good news about sex addiction treatment is that many experts believe that you can recover from it. The bad news is that the process that leads to true recovery can take several years of dedicated work.