The addicted person must come to a point in the active addiction process where he hurts enough to conclude that he wants his peace of mind back. He needs to want what he has lost, or what he is about to lose, more than he wants the emotionally mind-numbing and ultimately life-destroying effects of sex addiction. To send either of you anywhere, wounded and alone, outside the couples session, won t get you where you want to go. Instead, your therapist would be wiser and more helpful to Help you understand that your partner s pain makes perfect sense! ask your partner what they need to heal. determine what is missing in the therapeutic process so they can help them feel better. We spoke to him about how we had dishonored him, understanding how he, as our addict, had only tried to help us become aware of our needs and encourage us to reach out for nurturing, validation, and support. We acknowledged that in our active addiction that we hadn't ever responded to his call in ways that respected him. These feelings directly result from chemical disruptions in the brain that are unnatural and unsustainable for any healthy or satisfying life. The mind and the spirit suffer when caught up in these acts that hold a complete disregard for the importance and meaning of sexuality. Sex is not meant to be a frivolous pastime nor a recreational activity; it is intended to be shared between two people who have deep feelings of love and commitment to one another. If we speculate this man was around 55 years old, it would mean that he had this condition since he was 17. If you had asked him how long he d been an invalid I m sure his answer would have been all of my life! Some issues come into our lives, that while discomforting or disruptive, tend to be short-term. Gottlieb mentioned that whenever someone comes into her office to discuss infidelity, she wonders what other infidelities might be going on not necessarily other affairs but the more subtle ways that partners can stray that also threaten a marriage. In his book Contrary to Love, Patrick Carnes said his research indicated that 97% of individuals who were addicted to sex had been emotionally abused as children.