Is willing to be forthright about STI history and willing to speak openly about a potential partner s STI history before sex Desires a relationship not out of need or desperation, but as a reasoned decision to add value to his or her life As the SLAA 12 Promises state: Love will be a committed, thoughtful decision, rather than a feeling by which we are overwhelmed. This journey requires courage, loyalty and temperance. Each phase of the journey involves purifying, grinding down, shedding and brushing away unhealthy attitudes, beliefs and behaviors. The hero s journey brings the betrayed to a state of purity and clarity. Eckhart Tolle described the dark night of the soul as a collapse of the perceived meaning that the individual gave to their life. The rationalizations and justifications that can come from the brain s survival part are alluring and convincing. When one participates in these behaviors long enough, it is as though they can no longer hear that voice inside of themselves telling them to stop. Treating Pornography And Sex Addiction Is Like An Iceberg, You Only See The Surface. If so, you may be learning about Partner Betrayal Trauma for the first time. Here s the thing about Partner Betrayal Trauma. It makes you feel like you are losing your mind. It puts you on an emotional rack and pulls you in opposite directions until you are begging for mercy or you break and ricochet over to one of the extremes just to find some relief. They should see the desire to act out as an emotional alarm going off. This alarm is saying that he is in some kind of need and should reach out. Recovering sex addicts should see their addiction as a part of themselves that they should value, not disparage. If they respond to their addictive longings by calling someone in recovery, going to a meeting, etc. Years ago, a secular magazine published an article about Covenant Eyes, suggesting we block unholy web content. Naturally, the author used the word ironically. She meant Christian prudery. But holiness is much more than this. Hebrews 12:14 instructs Christians to pursue holiness because, without it no one will see the Lord.