Men seem to have an empathy deficit and so I found that breaking it down was much more helpful in teaching this all important skill. I have developed a formula that helps them to remember to do a read on the partners feelings and see things from her perspective. The formula is easy to follow because it only has 3 steps to follow. Our addict, who longed for acknowledgement and help, had been angry about being ignored and shut out, and had found sex as a means for attention and validation. We each took this opportunity to say, "Thanks for helping us survive, we see you, we will listen now, we will take care of you. We can work together without shame. But if you are a person whose sexual behaviors have taken you where you don't want to go time and again then you may find a 90 day period of sexual abstinence to be a serious challenge. Any justification or rationale your brain can throw at you to undermine your resolve is likely to surface at different times. Furthermore, we were set apart to proclaim the praises of the one who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. This tells us that watching porn has no part in the Christian s life. Watching porn is sin, and it s part of the darkness we re called away from. Although many Christians struggle with this, it goes against the grain of who they are in Jesus. Today, after years of working on recovery, he no longer has this problem. He finds it easier to be more productive and engaged in his job. He no longer feels the pull of pornography coming from his phone at all times, at home and at work. My biggest personal victory has been the peace and confidence I feel when I help my children navigate the world of technology. It makes you feel like you are losing your mind. It puts you on an emotional rack and pulls you in opposite directions until you are begging for mercy or you break and ricochet over to one of the extremes just to find some relief. I wish that when I was going through the many rounds of betrayal I experienced that I knew then what I know today.