We are only in charge of one part of that equation - so to keep it clear and hearable there are some phrases to listen for in our conversation: I need to is really a should in disguise and I need you . indicates we still have to dig one more level down to discover what our need is. Neither of those first phrases point to our actual need. Instead, forgiveness is a process of opting out of anger and the need for revenge forgiving the human qualities that lead people to act in terrible ways. To be clear, forgiveness frees one s heart from the prison of anger. Forgiveness is a decision that is made daily. Release and restoration After discovering a beloved s infidelity and deception, and after accepting their own call to action, the betrayed partner turns inward and begins their own hero s journey. Sexual Boundaries Sexual boundaries are an essential aspect of recovery. During the early stages of healing, most counselors recommend a period of intentional sexual abstinence lasting 45-90 days. This abstinence has several benefits, including preventing sex from being used as a weapon, allowing time to observe his commitment to rebuilding intimacy, and helping him detox from porn s impact. Sex addiction, in particular, creates a sense of excitement and pleasure, while simultaneously ensuring emotional distance and avoidance of true connection the kind of intimacy that can leave one open to being hurt. Putting in the Work in Sex Addiction Recovery The process of recovery for sex addicts involves identifying those behaviors such as obsessive masturbation, pornography use, anonymous sex, exhibitionism, etc. Hebrews 12:14 instructs Christians to pursue holiness because, without it no one will see the Lord. So let s see what this means, and why it s vital for the Christian struggling with porn. 1. Holiness Means Being Set Apart In the Old Testament, the Hebrew word for holy is, qadowsh, which means to be set apart. Still others never reach, or refuse to reach, the realization they are addicted to sex. If the addicted person fakes hitting bottom, he is back to playing his con games. The Addict is Responsible for His Own Recovery The addict is responsible for working on himself. Others can support his work toward sobriety, but no one can do the work for him.