Sex addiction, also known as compulsive sexual behavior, has been defined as an excessive focus on and participation in sexual activities despite negative consequences. It can have extreme consequences on one s emotional, psychological and social well-being. When the American Psychiatric Association made the bold decision not to include sex addiction in the DSM-5 (the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fifth edition), many felt the choice was controversial. Is willing to be forthright about STI history and willing to speak openly about a potential partner s STI history before sex Desires a relationship not out of need or desperation, but as a reasoned decision to add value to his or her life As the SLAA 12 Promises state: Love will be a committed, thoughtful decision, rather than a feeling by which we are overwhelmed. It s perfectly okay if your new comfort zone is a trust level of 70 or 80%. If you are the betraying partner: Please lean into the recovery process understanding that no fixes exist, quick or otherwise. Knowing how to help your spouse heal from your affair means knowing how to remain committed, patient, and present. It puts you on an emotional rack and pulls you in opposite directions until you are begging for mercy or you break and ricochet over to one of the extremes just to find some relief. I wish that when I was going through the many rounds of betrayal I experienced that I knew then what I know today. More information would have helped me feel normal and I would have been able to be kinder to myself when my emotions and behavior felt out of control. Some counselors would say that spouses are codependent at this point, a term that is defined as: A psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (as an addiction to alcohol or heroin). Or, more broadly speaking, this can be defined as: Dependence on the needs of or control by another.1 However, while in most addictions the assumption can be made that the partners are co-dependent, or at least the addict s partner had co-dependent behaviors, this is not necessarily so in the case of sex addiction. My biggest personal victory has been the peace and confidence I feel when I help my children navigate the world of technology. They are now older and we can talk openly about the dangers of pornography, how to avoid it, and why pornography is so dangerous for your brain. This is something that never would have happened without the trials that my husband and I have endured together.