Addicts have to learn how to differentiate between healthy and unhealthy shame. Engaging in shameful behaviour does not mean that an addict is a shameful person, unworthy of love. It means that they have engaged in unhealthy behaviour that can be forgiven. 1 Laaser, Mark R. Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction, 1992, p.150. It makes sense to me that looking at our Memorial Day picnic pictures causes you great pain Validation of Her Feelings Using the Five Primary Feelings It can be difficult to ascertain how she is feeling, so it is helpful to focus on her primary feeling (and see if you got it right). If you were indeed able to figure out the primary feeling, you will be able to validate it later in your day if it comes up. Readiness Indicators for Relationship in Recovery Through the process of recovery, addicts begin developing greater self-awareness, deeper empathy and understanding for themselves and others, greater honesty and integrity and a desire to be accountable. They begin healing their intimacy disorder by coming to understand their own worthiness a sense of self-worth and confidence that allows them to risk feeling vulnerable with others, the key to true intimacy and communication. I was a young, stay-at-home mom with four little kids, and my life felt shattered. I felt completely unprepared for the long battle ahead. He felt like he was spiraling out of control and absolutely could not stop compulsively (and secretly) viewing pornography. He started therapy and support meetings, but the addiction still felt heavy and impossible. People with traumatic backgrounds may develop trauma responses that manifest as compulsive sexual behaviors. This can include developing a sense of unworthiness (which can cause guilt and shame in sexual experiences), extreme risk-taking with the goal of achieving fleeting pleasure and re-creation of the traumatic experience, also called trauma reenactment. Holiness Means Being Set Apart In the Old Testament, the Hebrew word for holy is, qadowsh, which means to be set apart. God s chosen people were holy because God had set them apart from the other nations. Among God s people, the Levites in particular were holy because God set them apart to serve as priests.