What makes you think you can take a stripper and her child to Disneyland, tell me and then expect me to stand for it? How could you use my faith and religion against me by saying, Aren t you supposed to forgive? Judge not lest you be judged, and, most offensive, I think you were put on this earth to save me. Tangible Solutions In addition to the help of professionals, we needed a tangible solution to a problem with a very specific technological outlet. He needed a smartphone for work, but everything on the smartphone was a trigger or temptation for him. Each relapse into pornography was a cut deep into my personal self-esteem. With some of the messier, more complicated needs, if no clear option appears available to you right now and you are unable to come up with any alternatives after being active in your own hoop to communicate it relationally or attempt to meet it for yourself, can you surrender your need to God or your higher power, trusting that He may meet it or there may be something in it for you to learn about yourself? Porn strips the relational and communal aspects away from sexuality. It s no longer about two people knowing each other and being known intimately within the boundaries and protections that God designed. God made sex as a sacred bond within marriage, but porn turns it into a commodity. God intended sex as two people giving themselves to each other. When that special someone that we have bonded with betrays us it messes us up because all of a sudden the person who is our secure base in the world has caused us untold pain and robbed us of our sense of safety. The relationship we thought was safe now feels painful and threatening. This profound and sudden change in our sense of security and connection sends our bodies into panic and lights up the fear center in our brain like a giant Christmas tree. The traumatized partner s mind is on a perpetual search to find more certainty, which can lead to more suffering, and yet it is the survival skill attempting to keep the partner safe. A partner s attempts to find safety can exacerbate her fears because her primary need is to feel safe and survive. This can create more suffering because she is in that hypervigilant state to know the truth.