Rituals could include things like fantasizing about having sex with a co-worker, imagining what your neighbour looks like without clothes on, arranging your schedule for some alone time with your computer so you can log in to porn sites uninterrupted. 3. Stopping fantasy Sexual fantasy is at the heart of sexual addiction and alone is enough to trigger sexual stimulation. During this brief stage, one to three months long, the addict s problems reach a crisis level. She makes a firm commitment to change after experiencing a crisis moment. This could be the diagnosis of a sexually transmitted disease, an arrest, attempting suicide or anything else that causes the addict to commit to change. When you learn this, you will not only survive, but thrive because of the self-growth that has occurred because of your trauma. Darrin Ford explains in his Isomorphic Path to Intimacy that to gain intimacy as a couple it needs to begin with self-intimacy, and furthermore, partners need to practice distress tolerance and be present with the uncomfortable emotionality that is an inevitable outcome of a partner s natural state manifesting from the betrayal. Every betrayed partner is dealt two blows at once when they discover their spouse s sexual behavior. Blow number one is the gut punch of betrayal; a breathtaking breach in trust that changes your relationship in permanent ways. Blow number two is the shocking realization that your partner has been extravagantly and expertly lying and manipulating reality in order to cover up their behaviors. A core concept from 12-step recovery programs is that there is a profound difference between true sobriety and mere abstinence. From this perspective, sobriety is much more than staying away from unwanted behavior. It includes a deep sense of serenity and a consistent ability to "live life on life's terms", often with deep connections with other people and a sense of meaning in daily life. Watching porn is sin, and it s part of the darkness we re called away from. Although many Christians struggle with this, it goes against the grain of who they are in Jesus. 2. Holiness Means Receiving God s Grace For Christians, overcoming pornography is not primarily about self-discipline or willpower.