He's now the editor of the Covenant Eyes blog and the author of Allied: Fighting Porn With Accountability, Faith, and Friends. He lives in Hendersonville, North Carolina with his wife Ruby and daughter Winslow. Contact Keith with blog inquiries. Do Christians in the 21st century still need to be holy? Our partner regulates our blood pressure, our heart rate, our breathing and the levels of hormones in our blood. As our bond grows through perhaps getting married, combining our homes, having children together, or working toward common goals, we become more and more interdependent with one another. This is not codependency I m talking about. Treatment Stages One expert in treating patients with compulsive sexual behaviors conducted a study that included nearly 1,000 people. He examined the steps these patients took in recovery and treatment and was able to outline the general stages and how long they lasted. Each person is unique, but he found that, in general, patients moved through these stages before being in recovery. Is willing to be forthright about STI history and willing to speak openly about a potential partner s STI history before sex Desires a relationship not out of need or desperation, but as a reasoned decision to add value to his or her life As the SLAA 12 Promises state: Love will be a committed, thoughtful decision, rather than a feeling by which we are overwhelmed. A partner s attempts to find safety can exacerbate her fears because her primary need is to feel safe and survive. This can create more suffering because she is in that hypervigilant state to know the truth. It can be an auto-exacerbating cycle that results in more pain. To the Partner: My goal is to teach you how to become aware of your emotionality and identify what emotion is driving your mind state. The Role of Masturbation in Sexual Sobriety You may be wondering how masturbation relates to the concept of sexual sobriety, especially for people without sexual partners. For some sex addicts compulsive masturbation can become a heavily reinforced behavior that is central to the addictive cycle. Masturbation almost always includes fantasy and for true sex addicts such fantasy can amplify into a downward spiral of obsession, objectification and eventually full-fledged compulsion.