Recovering sex addicts should see their addiction as a part of themselves that they should value, not disparage. If they respond to their addictive longings by calling someone in recovery, going to a meeting, etc., then the call of the addict has served its purpose and deserves appreciation. This replaces shameful behavior with self-nurturing and healthy attachment. A person who overly relies on sexual thoughts, impulses and behaviors is likely to have some numbed emotions and distorted thoughts without being fully aware of it. Taking a break from all sexual activity provides an opportunity to get back in touch with your true self. If you manage a period of sexual abstinence correctly you will learn some important lessons about yourself that will help you for the rest of your life, especially if you combine it with other constructive actions. This is not an excuse for sinning; it is an opportunity to grow through pain. We recommend that full-disclosure be witnessed by a professional. As in all steps of healing, it is important that there is safety for everyone. Doing the right thing does not mean that it doesn t hurt, but with adequate support and love, hurt can lead to great transformation. Permit yourself to stop feeling bad about not forgiving quickly enough for your partner, your therapist, or anyone else. Does being unable to surrender to the process mean you are cruel or hard-hearted? Of course not! It is not your job to surrender or accept blame after your trust was shattered by betrayal. Before putting it all back together, partners must find their meaning in their own personal hero s journey. To accomplish this, partners must discover how to make meaning out of suffering. In his book Man s Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor, asserted that even in the worst suffering, having a sense of purpose provides strength. Ultimately this may do more harm than good. Addiction affects dopamine levels in the brain making it difficult to maintain that same intense high. Consequently, an addict needs more and more of the behavior to achieve the same high. Sex addicts often report feelings of guilt, shame and remorse associated with their sexual experiences.