If our partner s attempt to meet our need is not able to satisfy that need, we get active in our hoop to get that need met in a way that honors our need and is congruent with our vision for who we want to be. So, if our need was for safety, support, confidence in our work and movement/change, what are ways we can offer that to ourselves? , honest, available and truly vulnerable) with another person. According to Hatch, these intimacy disorders develop in addicts as a result of early experiences in their [families] of origin that failed to produce a secure attachment to their caregivers. These may take the form of neglect, abuse, abandonment or the absence of an appropriately nurturing caregiver. Readers reviews3 of Your Sexually Addicted Spouse2 indicate that the book offers the spouse an understanding of her trauma, supports her needs, validates her long-term suspicions, and serves as an important pillar of her healing journey. The Spouse s Choice in the Face of Sex Addiction It can be a rough road to healing for the spouse. Reassurance That You Have Changed, and Your Top Priority Is to Help Her Heal It will be necessary to share how you are changing and what you are working on to focus on your recovery and her healing (You do not want to be cocky or arrogant. Instead, you want to gently remind her that you will work diligently to build back her trust in you). If you are struggling to control your impulses when it comes to sexual behaviors, you may need to get professional help. The good news about sex addiction treatment is that many experts believe that you can recover from it. The bad news is that the process that leads to true recovery can take several years of dedicated work. It has been our research experience that virtually all of the couples we have worked with who go through disclosure will not only survive but thrive as a result. It is our prayer for all of you who are stuck because truth has not been completely shared, that God will lead you to professionals who can support your full-disclosure.