It was the therapist that indicated his inability to surrender and heal was holding back recovery. Was this a special case? Sadly no, too often, many betrayed spouses receive this message. The additional emotional burden results in further confusion and harm. Both are unnecessary and further delay the betrayal trauma recovery the couple needs. Without much hesitation, Josh discloses that he is an alcoholic and quit drinking. He shares a sobriety coin with the group and receives unbridled support and praise for his courageous journey. Like Josh, Derek is also six months sober. He is at a social gathering and his friends decide to watch a rather risqu television show that everyone is talking about. Taking a break from all sexual activity provides an opportunity to get back in touch with your true self. If you manage a period of sexual abstinence correctly you will learn some important lessons about yourself that will help you for the rest of your life, especially if you combine it with other constructive actions. A formal disclosure process led by a certified sex addiction therapist is the best way to get the information necessary so that the betrayed partner can make the most important decision of their life: Will they stay in the relationship or leave? Partners who continue to be consumed with seeking information are tortured not by the behavior but by their unrelenting quest to uncover all of the lies. For the next six to eight months, the addict has admitted to the problem but is in shock and disbelief. She feels angry and hopeless but ultimately relieved that she has finally admitted to having an addiction to sexual behaviors. The grief stage. In another six-month period, the sex addict goes through a type of grief. How those expressions of need were responded to set the foundation of our attachment style. And the type of responsiveness we received greatly impacted our ability to validate our own needs and set our expectation for whether or not our needs would matter to others. What did you learn about having needs when you were young?