Treatment Stages One expert in treating patients with compulsive sexual behaviors conducted a study that included nearly 1,000 people. He examined the steps these patients took in recovery and treatment and was able to outline the general stages and how long they lasted. Each person is unique, but he found that, in general, patients moved through these stages before being in recovery. I can see as you look at the pictures from the Memorial Day family picnic that you feel sadness because now you question the reality of what really happened on that day. It feels like I contaminated the joyful event. Reassurance That You Have Changed, and Your Top Priority Is to Help Her Heal It will be necessary to share how you are changing and what you are working on to focus on your recovery and her healing (You do not want to be cocky or arrogant. Full disclosure: Consider guided therapeutic disclosure for complete honesty. Recovery support: Encourage him to seek counseling or join a support group. Check-ins and transparency: Discuss his recovery progress and triggers. It s crucial to emphasize that boundaries are not about revenge or policing but about providing structure and space for healing and rebuilding trust. that take you out of yourself and away from those around you, acknowledging the behaviors as a problem and finding sobriety by eliminating those behaviors before they show up. But it s much more than that. Recovery is also very much about recognizing that much of who we ve presented ourselves to be to others, and many of the ways we ve chosen to do it, have been based on dishonesty. Understand That Forgiveness Is Not A Thing You Give To Each Other When the offender demonstrates that he understands and is sincerely disturbed by the harm he has caused you, and when he works to make repairs, you [the hurt partner] may be more motivated to release your resentment and invite him back into your life. With a pornography/sexual addiction, the outer problem is our acting out behaviors. And for the spouse, it is the loss of trust and damage to a marriage relationship. We want all of these circumstances we find ourselves in to go away. But just as with the paralytic in the story, we still have to address the inner problem and condition to get healed.