She wants to know that you remember her pain is a result of your actions. It assures her that you have not forgotten, nor are you in denial. It makes sense to me that looking at our Memorial Day picnic pictures causes you great pain Validation of Her Feelings Using the Five Primary Feelings It can be difficult to ascertain how she is feeling, so it is helpful to focus on her primary feeling (and see if you got it right). This is the most important stage recognizing that what we are feeling is likely less about them and who they are and what they are doing and more about a need that we have. So, we identify: I probably have a need . Step 2: Second, we learn to articulate our need in a hearable way. There are two parts to communication: 1) saying it in a hearable way, and 2) being in a posture to receive. If you are struggling to control your impulses when it comes to sexual behaviors, you may need to get professional help. The good news about sex addiction treatment is that many experts believe that you can recover from it. The bad news is that the process that leads to true recovery can take several years of dedicated work. For them, the question then goes to their need to heal and move forward from the wounds and trauma of betrayal. The Gospels record Jesus asking a total of 307 questions throughout His ministry. One takes place at the pool of Bethesda and is recorded in the Gospel of John, Chapter 5. Here, we are told of Jesus asking a paralytic, Do you want to get well? To the Partner: My goal is to teach you how to become aware of your emotionality and identify what emotion is driving your mind state. My job is to help you use compassion so that you can surrender to what has happened to you and through compassion find an identity that is separate from partner betrayal. Either way, during an initial period of sexual abstinence it's best to keep masturbation off limits just like any other form of sexual expression. Bottom Lines, Border Lines and Top Lines All this discussion of sexual sobriety leads to the need to discuss exactly what constitutes a "relapse" in sex addiction.