To the one struggling, it relates to their addiction and behaviors. The survivor tends to focus on wanting their spouse s addiction and behavior cured but realizes that is out of their control. For them, the question then goes to their need to heal and move forward from the wounds and trauma of betrayal. For example, one we often hear: I need you to go group while still being good information for us by assisting us on finding the deeper need, is not actually the need. I need a sense of safety and support around our recovery might be closer to that need. Or I need to feel like I am doing everything I can to get to a better place or I find I get really afraid. At this microscopic level, there s a constant interplay between chemical and electrical interaction. In his insightful book, The Mind and the Brain, Dr. Jeffery Schwartz explains the differences between the mind and the brain. There is a continuous interplay between both parts, and each may have a powerful influence on the other. While it's true that usually some sexual behavior has to cease completely, the ultimate goal for most people is not to go without sex for the rest of their lives. Instead, it is to manage sexuality in manner that is safe, sane and healthy for them. This makes recovery for sex addiction more similar to compulsive overeating where the goal is to manage food appropriately, not stop eating altogether. As our bond grows through perhaps getting married, combining our homes, having children together, or working toward common goals, we become more and more interdependent with one another. This is not codependency I m talking about. This is healthy, normal, mutual dependency. It is what makes relationships fulfilling and sought after. It s no longer about two people knowing each other and being known intimately within the boundaries and protections that God designed. God made sex as a sacred bond within marriage, but porn turns it into a commodity. God intended sex as two people giving themselves to each other. Porn is just about taking for yourself.