Readers reviews3 of Your Sexually Addicted Spouse2 indicate that the book offers the spouse an understanding of her trauma, supports her needs, validates her long-term suspicions, and serves as an important pillar of her healing journey. The Spouse s Choice in the Face of Sex Addiction It can be a rough road to healing for the spouse. As our bond grows through perhaps getting married, combining our homes, having children together, or working toward common goals, we become more and more interdependent with one another. This is not codependency I m talking about. This is healthy, normal, mutual dependency. It is what makes relationships fulfilling and sought after. Researchers in Italy released study results that suggest when men become addicted to pornography, especially Internet pornography, they build up immunity to the pictures over time. Not only does abuse of pornography lead to a loss of interest in sex, it can make men unable to perform sexually and create a mindset where even the idea of sex exists in a different realm than reality. This could be the diagnosis of a sexually transmitted disease, an arrest, attempting suicide or anything else that causes the addict to commit to change. The shock stage. For the next six to eight months, the addict has admitted to the problem but is in shock and disbelief. She feels angry and hopeless but ultimately relieved that she has finally admitted to having an addiction to sexual behaviors. Heal, I am going to share situations which I am sure you will find some parallels or pieces to relate to as you examine your own relationship. You will also see how relational skills help repair the present-day problems that are buried in relational trauma. If you find that your coupleship is struggling because the addict does not seem to be using his opportunities to practice it, you may find that you need an ERCEM Specialist to be your guide. We each took this opportunity to say, "Thanks for helping us survive, we see you, we will listen now, we will take care of you. We can work together without shame." Replacing Shame The work done that day underscores the importance of relieving the burden of shame from the recovering sex addict.