Holiness is something God applies to the believer through their relationship with Jesus. But it s also a process as the Christian learns to rely on God in the midst of their own weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9), and experiencing God s grace as we confess our sins to one another (James 5:16, Galatians 6:2). I promise you he does not know how to empathize, so he must learn the skills before it becomes natural to him. I would like to tell you that this process could take three months, but unfortunately it will be 12 to 24 months before this becomes organic. So please be patient with him and try to refrain from rejecting him for his empathy statements. B: Advice Regarding Surrender Or Getting Over Hurt On Your Own Any therapist s expectation that a hurt, betrayed partner would get over it and make recovery less messy is not helpful. Advising them to seek out another therapist alone is not helpful. Requiring them to return fixed and ready to surrender themselves to another healing process alongside their unfaithful partner is actually harmful and unfair. This means the sex addict faces a huge inner conflict to either stay in hiding or come out of hiding. Sexual acting out strengthens despair, leading an addict into greater isolation and shame. It seems counterintuitive and yet it is a spiritual truth. This is why support groups for sex addicts are vital. He states that it is only by having a mind focused on the utilization of constructively compassionate interventions will the partner then be able to gain the ability to remain present with herself. Constructively compassionate is defined as allowing oneself to be fully present with the experience of oneself, while fostering a mutual acceptance of suffering, to bring a kinder reaction to distressing emotionality. Is willing to be forthright about STI history and willing to speak openly about a potential partner s STI history before sex Desires a relationship not out of need or desperation, but as a reasoned decision to add value to his or her life As the SLAA 12 Promises state: Love will be a committed, thoughtful decision, rather than a feeling by which we are overwhelmed.