But getting there is difficult work, for both the addict and his spouse. God forgives even the ugliest of sins. This means that each of us can experience real and meaningful forgiveness with each attempt to start over and break our patterns of repetitive sin. When our human transparency and need is met by God s acceptance and mercy, change happens. Often a wife learns about unfaithful behaviors through her own accidental discovery or through more intentional detective work. Either might lead her to ask many questions that sometimes her husband may or may not be willing to answer. Truthful answers allow for more of the puzzle pieces to take shape. This means the sex addict faces a huge inner conflict to either stay in hiding or come out of hiding. Sexual acting out strengthens despair, leading an addict into greater isolation and shame. It seems counterintuitive and yet it is a spiritual truth. This is why support groups for sex addicts are vital. The degrading and other unrealistic themes depicted in pornography create highly distorted expectations of what should occur within the context of real-life sexual relationships, thus rendering the addict incapable of arousal in those situations. This can also lead to men experiencing pornography-induced erectile dysfunction because the sexual outlets that are supposed to be acceptable and appropriate no longer elicit arousal. They may return to sex, over and over again, to experience the high of it despite negative consequences. Just like with other addictions, they may escalate their behavior over time. They may begin to engage in sexual behaviors more frequently or with more recklessness. Someone suffering from both substance abuse and mental health issues, including sex addiction, is defined as having a co-occurring disorder. A secondary gain of mindfulness is that over time, you can learn to be present with the uncertainty, which is a normal response that is manifested out of betrayal trauma in a manner that was not reactive driven. When you learn this, you will not only survive, but thrive because of the self-growth that has occurred because of your trauma.