The mind is conditioned to create certainty, which is a survival mechanism. The traumatized partner s mind is on a perpetual search to find more certainty, which can lead to more suffering, and yet it is the survival skill attempting to keep the partner safe. A partner s attempts to find safety can exacerbate her fears because her primary need is to feel safe and survive. We acknowledged that in our active addiction that we hadn't ever responded to his call in ways that respected him. Each of us told him that in recovery we were committed to loving and appreciating him. We understood that he was not going away, but would remain in us as a guide and observer. It was our job to listen and respond to him appropriately. Thousands have done it already. Sex Addiction Treatment is Necessary To those who have trouble accepting the fact that pornography and sex addiction treatment is complex and necessary, listen to the following email that I recently received. As you read the email I received below, ask yourself the following question: Is this individual seeking pornography as a mere form of healthy entertainment, or is he driven and compelled to have it? She feels angry and hopeless but ultimately relieved that she has finally admitted to having an addiction to sexual behaviors. The grief stage. In another six-month period, the sex addict goes through a type of grief. She feels terrible about the damage she has caused to herself and to others. She also grieves the loss of her addiction because she used it like a crutch for a long period of time. Jesus sees him lying there and asks, Do you want to get well? Then He tells him to Get up! Pick up your mat and walk. At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked. But there is a twist to this story of healing! At some point later, Jesus finds him in the temple and a follow-up conversation occurs. AVR-The Empathy Formula Practicing the A in AVR requires that you acknowledge the situation and accompanying pain. At first it can seem counterintuitive to bring up the damage your addiction has caused her. She wants to know that you remember her pain is a result of your actions. It assures her that you have not forgotten, nor are you in denial.