We may have learned to be needless and wantless (self-sufficient), or that your needs don t matter, or we may have learned to be somewhat needy (a passive requiring of others to do for me what perhaps I could sometimes take care of myself learned helplessness). These ways of being limit the capacity for intimate and safe connection within relationship. Your broken heart is not an indication that you are broken. You re hurt, there s a difference. Something broken can be fixed independently of who broke it. A hurt person heals amid the remorse, accountability, and responsiveness of the person who injured them. Permit yourself to stop feeling bad about not forgiving quickly enough for your partner, your therapist, or anyone else. states, It is imperative that we treat pornography and sexual addiction with the respect accorded any drug addiction, for as we shall see, that is precisely what it is. Until we, the general public, become more informed about the reality of how pornography reacts with the human brain, it will just be looked at as a moral weakness or some entertainment rather than a true chemical addiction. The Need for Lasting Change It s only natural to feel a sense of despair when you see how long it can take to heal from sex addiction. You should also feel hope, though. The study found that patients really did recover after this long period of time. It takes so long because sex addiction is complicated and there are underlying reasons why you develop these compulsions. Secrecy fuels this addiction. Our therapist once mentioned the idea that it is better to be 100% honest and have integrity even if it means risking the shame and possibility of losing your comfort zone. By lying to your spouse or family members, you can only ever have the mediocre happiness that comes with living an inauthentic life. Stopping fantasy Sexual fantasy is at the heart of sexual addiction and alone is enough to trigger sexual stimulation. Fantasy has a powerful grip on the mind, which does not respond to commands to "stop." The more effort made to stop fantasizing, the stronger the fantasy gets. So how does a sex addict stop fantasizing?