She feels angry and hopeless but ultimately relieved that she has finally admitted to having an addiction to sexual behaviors. The grief stage. In another six-month period, the sex addict goes through a type of grief. She feels terrible about the damage she has caused to herself and to others. She also grieves the loss of her addiction because she used it like a crutch for a long period of time. We are only in charge of one part of that equation - so to keep it clear and hearable there are some phrases to listen for in our conversation: I need to is really a should in disguise and I need you . indicates we still have to dig one more level down to discover what our need is. Neither of those first phrases point to our actual need. It could include downloading accountability software, or removing your access to forms of media that could be triggering (Matthew 5:29-30). Holiness requires an active, ongoing battle against sin (Galatians 5:16-17). Christians should not expect instant perfection but rather steady progress. When a believer stumbles, they should confess, receive God s grace, and continue in the fight rather than fall into despair (1 John 1:9). Additionally, it s important to encourage your husband to explore positive hobbies during the recovery process. Accountability Boundaries Accountability boundaries aim to hold your husband responsible for his actions and help build trust. Accountability is not about policing but about fostering openness and honesty. A couples therapist that sends your partner to heal alone with me or another therapist sends them towards failure and more self-blame. In reality, they just need to seek healing with you. One day at a time. The only person who can help a hurt partner heal is their unfaithful spouse. No one else. You are the one who has the power to help them regain trust and want to forgive. Despite the negative consequences caused by their addiction, recovering addicts need to find ways to love and value the addiction. They should see the desire to act out as an emotional alarm going off. This alarm is saying that he is in some kind of need and should reach out. Recovering sex addicts should see their addiction as a part of themselves that they should value, not disparage.