An estimated 40-64% of sex addicts also suffer from substance abuse disorders. Common addictions include alcohol abuse (30-40%) and marijuana abuse (18-21.7%). However, sex addiction has also been observed in cocaine and amphetamine users. Though sex, gambling and food are process addictions, sex addiction can feel just like any other addiction, including substance abuse. More information would have helped me feel normal and I would have been able to be kinder to myself when my emotions and behavior felt out of control. At the time I did not understand the science and theory behind the way that we pair-bond and what happens when that attachment is damaged. I only knew that discovering sexual betrayal in my relationship changed me overnight. These may take the form of neglect, abuse, abandonment or the absence of an appropriately nurturing caregiver. Addictive behaviors show up, sometimes early in life, according to Hatch, as a coping strategy in the form of self-medication to emotional pain. Sex addiction, in particular, creates a sense of excitement and pleasure, while simultaneously ensuring emotional distance and avoidance of true connection the kind of intimacy that can leave one open to being hurt. The survivor tends to focus on wanting their spouse s addiction and behavior cured but realizes that is out of their control. For them, the question then goes to their need to heal and move forward from the wounds and trauma of betrayal. The Gospels record Jesus asking a total of 307 questions throughout His ministry. If they can t, that s also fine, but because of that baseline foundation that each of our needs matter, they will hopefully offer an alternative that honors our need, our vulnerability in our request and values our connection. Step 4: Fourth, because we are now wise adults, we retain ownership of our need. With counseling, they can learn that sex is not a bad thing and that they can experience it in a healthy way. Scott Stolarick is a licensed clinical professional counselor who has been practicing in the state of Illinois for 30 years. He is an experienced administrator and clinical supervisor as well as a seasoned clinician.