Until 1543, the accepted understanding of the universe put the Earth at the center with all other celestial bodies circling it. This thinking aligns with our instinctual tendency to see, and put, ourselves at the center of our universe. Only after Copernicus published his model was it accepted that the Earth, and the rest of our solar system, revolves around the sun. If you are in a relationship with someone you have sexually betrayed, an agreed-upon time without sex can allow for some relationship healing to begin by giving you an opportunity to focus on developing nonsexual emotional safety and connection. (I wrote a lengthy article about what it takes to heal from chronic sexual deception, because there's a lot to address. At first it can seem counterintuitive to bring up the damage your addiction has caused her. She wants to know that you remember her pain is a result of your actions. It assures her that you have not forgotten, nor are you in denial. It makes sense to me that looking at our Memorial Day picnic pictures causes you great pain Validation of Her Feelings Using the Five Primary Feelings It can be difficult to ascertain how she is feeling, so it is helpful to focus on her primary feeling (and see if you got it right). Check-ins and transparency: Discuss his recovery progress and triggers. It s crucial to emphasize that boundaries are not about revenge or policing but about providing structure and space for healing and rebuilding trust. Personal action items may involve seeking personal counseling for emotional healing, along with creating a plan for different scenarios based on your husband s response to recovery efforts. Before Covenant Eyes, he had started watching pornography at work multiple times each day. His boss was asking him why he spent so much time on his phone in the bathroom, and there was simply no excuse for his lack of productivity. He admits he knew in his heart that things would not end well for him if he continued down that path at work. It was our job to listen and respond to him appropriately. Our addict, who longed for acknowledgement and help, had been angry about being ignored and shut out, and had found sex as a means for attention and validation. We each took this opportunity to say, "Thanks for helping us survive, we see you, we will listen now, we will take care of you.