They begin healing their intimacy disorder by coming to understand their own worthiness a sense of self-worth and confidence that allows them to risk feeling vulnerable with others, the key to true intimacy and communication. They develop the ability to share their truths, including feelings of pain, sadness or ambiguity. The Role of An Initial Period of Abstinence In Sex Addiction Recovery Even though refraining from all sex is usually not a sex addict's ultimate goal, an initial period of sexual abstinence (such as 90 days) can be a good idea. Here's why:. A person who overly relies on sexual thoughts, impulses and behaviors is likely to have some numbed emotions and distorted thoughts without being fully aware of it. Education about the conditions that led to the betrayer s choices and deception is essential for the betrayed partner s healing. Still, it is in no way a justification or vindication of the betrayer s egregious behavior. It is complicated to understand that there are two truths for people who struggle with sex addiction: they love their partner (in the way they know love) and act out sexually with themselves or others. states, It is imperative that we treat pornography and sexual addiction with the respect accorded any drug addiction, for as we shall see, that is precisely what it is. Until we, the general public, become more informed about the reality of how pornography reacts with the human brain, it will just be looked at as a moral weakness or some entertainment rather than a true chemical addiction. Blow number two is the shocking realization that your partner has been extravagantly and expertly lying and manipulating reality in order to cover up their behaviors. These blows smash into your heart and in an instant plunge you into a whole new world. When I experienced this, in seconds, the person who I depended on and was deeply connected to went from being a source of support and companionship to being a source of pain, fear and deep uncertainty. Understanding what drives the behavior is also crucial. Having said that, I am not professing to have a recipe for recognizing someone with a sexual addiction, but there are telltale signs. Common personality traits seen in sex addicts are obsessive thoughts, impulsivity, shame, depression, maladaptive coping methods for perceived losses of control, poor communication skills, high risk tolerance for sexual behavior and a hyperactive focus on sex.