Understanding these facts and the dynamic that hurt people can go on to hurt people can help a wife build empathy and can also help her to depersonalize his behaviors. She can hopefully hear in his story that these behaviors are not really about her, they are about much older and deeper pain. This is not an excuse for sinning; it is an opportunity to grow through pain. To survive that process (and understand it with your marriage improved) you must get in the trenches together. The couples we counsel are forewarned that recovery is not pretty. There is no expectation that they will navigate it in the most positive way possible. Pretending to be positive only makes matters untrustworthy and messier for longer. In the New Testament, 1 Peter 2:9 applies this idea of a holy people to us as believers in Jesus. We ve been set apart and belong to God in a special way. Furthermore, we were set apart to proclaim the praises of the one who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. This tells us that watching porn has no part in the Christian s life. This allows the betrayal trauma response to calm as you gain the ability to be present with the natural normal distress resulting from the discovery that the addict has betrayed them. Your reactivity decreases and your distress acceptance takes the charge out of the fear equation. The secondary gain is that you begin to apply this constructively compassionate mindset to others as well. I only knew that discovering sexual betrayal in my relationship changed me overnight. Every betrayed partner is dealt two blows at once when they discover their spouse s sexual behavior. Blow number one is the gut punch of betrayal; a breathtaking breach in trust that changes your relationship in permanent ways. Boundaries provide a framework for your husband to take responsibility for his own healing journey and give you the space to focus on your healing, which is equally important for the marriage s recovery. Trusting your husband again should not be forced but should come naturally as he follows the boundaries set during the recovery process.