It s okay to begin with 5% trust and let your partner earn more trust until you reach your comfort zone. It s perfectly okay if your new comfort zone is a trust level of 70 or 80%. If you are the betraying partner: Please lean into the recovery process understanding that no fixes exist, quick or otherwise. He did not act out because you were not good enough or not worthy of his love. You could not cause his acting out. A secondary gain of mindfulness is that over time, you can learn to be present with the uncertainty, which is a normal response that is manifested out of betrayal trauma in a manner that was not reactive driven. Instead, forgiveness is a process of opting out of anger and the need for revenge forgiving the human qualities that lead people to act in terrible ways. To be clear, forgiveness frees one s heart from the prison of anger. Forgiveness is a decision that is made daily. Release and restoration After discovering a beloved s infidelity and deception, and after accepting their own call to action, the betrayed partner turns inward and begins their own hero s journey. As our bond grows through perhaps getting married, combining our homes, having children together, or working toward common goals, we become more and more interdependent with one another. This is not codependency I m talking about. This is healthy, normal, mutual dependency. It is what makes relationships fulfilling and sought after. Why Full Disclosure is Important Mark & Debbie Laaser Faithful and True Ministries Speak the truth to each other. (Zec.8:16). At Faithful & True, we encourage truth-telling. We encourage being authentic. We work with many couples for whom there has been lying and covering up of sexual and emotional betrayal. Rebuilding Trust in Marriage Through Boundaries In situations where a marriage has been affected by pornography use, it s common for one person to feel responsible for the healing process, while the other doesn t take enough responsibility. This dynamic can lead to resentment, self-centeredness, and controlling behaviors.