B: Advice Regarding Surrender Or Getting Over Hurt On Your Own Any therapist s expectation that a hurt, betrayed partner would get over it and make recovery less messy is not helpful. Advising them to seek out another therapist alone is not helpful. Requiring them to return fixed and ready to surrender themselves to another healing process alongside their unfaithful partner is actually harmful and unfair. Is willing to be forthright about STI history and willing to speak openly about a potential partner s STI history before sex Desires a relationship not out of need or desperation, but as a reasoned decision to add value to his or her life As the SLAA 12 Promises state: Love will be a committed, thoughtful decision, rather than a feeling by which we are overwhelmed. Frankl believed that in the worst of circumstances, there are two choices: 1) to assume that we cannot change what happens to us, leaving our only option to be a prisoner of our circumstance or 2) to accept that we cannot change what happened to us but that we can change our attitude toward it. A more potent, resilient, and positive attitude allows us to realize our life s meaning. Together with co-author, Marsha Means, MA, Steffens wrote a remarkable book on sex addiction and PTSD as it relates to her research. Readers reviews3 of Your Sexually Addicted Spouse2 indicate that the book offers the spouse an understanding of her trauma, supports her needs, validates her long-term suspicions, and serves as an important pillar of her healing journey. She feels terrible about the damage she has caused to herself and to others. She also grieves the loss of her addiction because she used it like a crutch for a long period of time. Finally, whatever she used her addiction to cover up begins to emerge. This is often some kind of early trauma. The repair stage. By exploring the root cause of their trauma and mental health, those affected by sex addictions may understand why they use sexual behavior as a coping mechanism and work through their issues to develop healthier responses. Self-Worth and Depression Sexual addiction and depression often go hand in hand.