Once the addiction is admitted, the next step is to stop addictive behaviours. Just as an alcoholic must stop drinking alcohol, a sex addict must stop all sexual acting out behaviours. Sometimes these behaviours are obvious, like no more sex outside of marriage, but sometimes they are subtle, like flirting. Why Mindfulness Can Help You Both with Uncertainty By Carol Juergensen Sheets LCSW, CSAT, CCPS-S, PCC You as the addict are working hard to create safety, which is a new truth. The mind is conditioned to create certainty, which is a survival mechanism. The traumatized partner s mind is on a perpetual search to find more certainty, which can lead to more suffering, and yet it is the survival skill attempting to keep the partner safe. Some issues come into our lives, that while discomforting or disruptive, tend to be short-term. An example might be a toothache that doesn t allow you to sleep, concentrate, or even go about your normal routine. But a visit to the dentist will most often make it just a memory after a few short weeks or even days. These ways of being limit the capacity for intimate and safe connection within relationship. When we were infants, we were current and congruent with our physical and emotional needs and were able - in present time - to express those needs to our caregivers. How those expressions of need were responded to set the foundation of our attachment style. ) Especially when it comes to problematic pornography use there is evidence that a 90 day period of total sexual abstinence can help some people "reboot" their brain so that continued abstinence becomes easier and they become significantly happier and more productive as time progresses. This benefit of getting some forward momentum is captured in an old recovery saying that "it's easier to stay sober than to get sober". These also effect his identity and development. As he age progresses himself through his story, it becomes clearer and clearer how his sexual sin developed and progressed. Understanding these facts and the dynamic that hurt people can go on to hurt people can help a wife build empathy and can also help her to depersonalize his behaviors.