Reassurance That You Have Changed, and Your Top Priority Is to Help Her Heal It will be necessary to share how you are changing and what you are working on to focus on your recovery and her healing (You do not want to be cocky or arrogant. Instead, you want to gently remind her that you will work diligently to build back her trust in you). Naturally, the author used the word ironically. She meant Christian prudery. But holiness is much more than this. Hebrews 12:14 instructs Christians to pursue holiness because, without it no one will see the Lord. So let s see what this means, and why it s vital for the Christian struggling with porn. Neither of you is capable of fixing your relationship pain separately. This is a result of mixed-up thinking about forgiveness. That forgiveness is good for you, so just do it. Unfortunately, recovering from betrayal is not something your partner can just do without a joint effort. Your partner needs you to fully participate. You acknowledged that you lied to your family about me, portraying me as a horrible spouse so that you would feel justified to continue your affair. Why did you need to go that far? These are the types of questions that every betrayed partner asks. Betrayed partners believe that they cannot heal unless they know why their beloved cheated on them. This article provided some basic information about the concept of what sobriety means in sex addiction. If you're in the Atlanta area and would like more personalized assistance for your own needs, please call me at 404 345-1570, email me at bill@billherring.com or use the contact form on this site. --------- Bill Herring LCSW, CSAT is an Atlanta certified sex addiction therapist (CSAT) and an expert in helping people overcome problematic sexual behaviors that violate their promises, values and/or self-control. When this anxiety is triggered, the affected person may resort to sexual behavior to decrease the discomfort they are experiencing. When anxiety and trauma are severe enough, the sexual behavior can become all-consuming. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a common treatment for those with a sex addiction rooted in trauma.