Gottlieb mentioned that whenever someone comes into her office to discuss infidelity, she wonders what other infidelities might be going on not necessarily other affairs but the more subtle ways that partners can stray that also threaten a marriage. In his book Contrary to Love, Patrick Carnes said his research indicated that 97% of individuals who were addicted to sex had been emotionally abused as children. This behavior can manifest in a variety of ways, including the overuse of pornography, promiscuity, infidelity, paid sexual encounters and a high frequency of sex (even within a committed relationship). There are several stereotypes that often come to mind when people hear the term sex addict. Sometimes the term is used synonymously with sex offender, and although the two terms can certainly coexist, they can also be mutually exclusive. During the early stages of healing, most counselors recommend a period of intentional sexual abstinence lasting 45-90 days. This abstinence has several benefits, including preventing sex from being used as a weapon, allowing time to observe his commitment to rebuilding intimacy, and helping him detox from porn s impact. I make this claim after listening to hundreds of addiction treatment stories of clients who have viewed pornography. Negative results are always the same. I have never had a client come in and tell me they had a slip during the past week and felt good about it. NEVER! Sex Addiction Understanding the mind and brain helps with the healing process. Still others never reach, or refuse to reach, the realization they are addicted to sex. If the addicted person fakes hitting bottom, he is back to playing his con games. The Addict is Responsible for His Own Recovery The addict is responsible for working on himself. Others can support his work toward sobriety, but no one can do the work for him. However, conditions don t want to go away despite our best efforts and intentions they seem to camp out in our lives, building and creating more and more disruption and pain not just to ourselves but often to those around us. The man at the pool had been in this condition for as long as he can remember.