There is so much to discuss about needs, but what I want to focus on in this article is how I help individuals and couples break needs down in order to understand where this larger topic of needs might be getting stuck for them. We can look at the navigation of needs in several stages. As I break it down, think about which part may be most difficult for you. For example, a husband might blame his porn use on his wife s physical appearance or lower desire for sex, and a wife might start micromanaging and punishing every mistake. Both of these attitudes are unhealthy for the relationship. To avoid or correct this issue in your own marriage, establishing boundaries is crucial. Sex addiction, in particular, creates a sense of excitement and pleasure, while simultaneously ensuring emotional distance and avoidance of true connection the kind of intimacy that can leave one open to being hurt. Putting in the Work in Sex Addiction Recovery The process of recovery for sex addicts involves identifying those behaviors such as obsessive masturbation, pornography use, anonymous sex, exhibitionism, etc. Because he is among friends, Derek takes a risk and discloses that he is a sex addict and is not supposed to watch those types of shows because of potential triggers and the risk of relapse. You could hear a pin drop in the room. This reaction caused Derek to regret coming forward with this disclosure, and he awkwardly excuses himself. When I experienced this, in seconds, the person who I depended on and was deeply connected to went from being a source of support and companionship to being a source of pain, fear and deep uncertainty. My relationship, which had created a stable base from which I was able to operate in the world, was suddenly a rickety, wobbly mess. So how does a sex addict stop fantasizing? First, by understanding that the fantasies are created for a reason: they provide emotional escape and reduce stress. If an addict is to break free from fantasizing, they must uncover the reasons why they have to "escape." 4. Healing despair Most sex addicts feel they are beyond redemption, that their sexual behaviour is so appalling that forgiveness is impossible.