After all, they are a relationship expert, literally sending you away from your relationship for not being good enough at forgiving and forgetting. This confirms your worst fears about your worth as a partner and kicks you when you re down. No one would blame you if you were distracted from recovery and trapped in the belief that something is wrong with you. Their accomplishments, activities and everything they considered important feels like they have been invalidated. At the bottom of the abyss, however, is salvation. The blackest moment is the moment where transformation begins. It is always darkest before the dawn. The only way to heal is to head straight into the fire toward restoration. The problem with questioning is that a betrayed woman may wonder if she has not asked just the right question, or enough questions, so her mind will continue to obsess about what she has missed. And the problem is no different with looking for information there is always the possibility that something was hidden too well. Her studies conclude that on discovering sex addiction, spouses are more likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) than co-dependency. Together with co-author, Marsha Means, MA, Steffens wrote a remarkable book on sex addiction and PTSD as it relates to her research. Readers reviews3 of Your Sexually Addicted Spouse2 indicate that the book offers the spouse an understanding of her trauma, supports her needs, validates her long-term suspicions, and serves as an important pillar of her healing journey. If an addict is to break free from fantasizing, they must uncover the reasons why they have to "escape." 4. Healing despair Most sex addicts feel they are beyond redemption, that their sexual behaviour is so appalling that forgiveness is impossible. Self hatred leads to despair and sometimes even to suicide. Your spouse hears you, considers your request and is aware that they have a need to stay a while longer as this is their work event and it s expected that they remain. But because your need matters to them, they might suggest an alternative I can t leave just yet, but how about in an hour and a half.