The traumatized partner s mind is on a perpetual search to find more certainty, which can lead to more suffering, and yet it is the survival skill attempting to keep the partner safe. A partner s attempts to find safety can exacerbate her fears because her primary need is to feel safe and survive. This can create more suffering because she is in that hypervigilant state to know the truth. Often a wife learns about unfaithful behaviors through her own accidental discovery or through more intentional detective work. Either might lead her to ask many questions that sometimes her husband may or may not be willing to answer. Truthful answers allow for more of the puzzle pieces to take shape. Recovery support is essential, because trying to stop these behaviours without the support of God and others is nearly impossible. Addicts learn from other recovering addicts what healthy sexual behaviour is and what it is not. Without help to address the underlying causes that drive sexual addiction, sexual addicts are only able to stop acting out temporarily, and that only because of an enormous amount of willpower. They will have to come to this awareness independently because the more one tells them how destructive this behavior is, the more defensive and justified they will become. Those who have made it out of this industry will always know it was destructive and unhealthy. Still, for them to admit it, they have to get out of it first and seek sex addiction treatment. Readers reviews3 of Your Sexually Addicted Spouse2 indicate that the book offers the spouse an understanding of her trauma, supports her needs, validates her long-term suspicions, and serves as an important pillar of her healing journey. The Spouse s Choice in the Face of Sex Addiction It can be a rough road to healing for the spouse. Any justification or rationale your brain can throw at you to undermine your resolve is likely to surface at different times. The fact that it's difficult is itself evidence that the way you are managing your life deserves your full attention. If you are in a relationship with someone you have sexually betrayed, an agreed-upon time without sex can allow for some relationship healing to begin by giving you an opportunity to focus on developing nonsexual emotional safety and connection.