The hero s journey brings the betrayed to a state of purity and clarity. Eckhart Tolle described the dark night of the soul as a collapse of the perceived meaning that the individual gave to their life. The discovery of infidelity, deception and trickery causes a shattering of all that defined the betrayed partner s life. Here are three important boundaries to consider for rebuilding trust in your marriage. Sexual Boundaries Sexual boundaries are an essential aspect of recovery. During the early stages of healing, most counselors recommend a period of intentional sexual abstinence lasting 45-90 days. This abstinence has several benefits, including preventing sex from being used as a weapon, allowing time to observe his commitment to rebuilding intimacy, and helping him detox from porn s impact. First, they need some clarity about the process as a whole. Betrayal Trauma Recovery For The Hurt Partner: Does It Help To Seek Help Separately? A couple sitting on the floor, back to back. They look distanced and lost after an affair. If you want to know how to help your spouse heal from your affair in the USA & Canada, you can schedule a free consultation with Relationship Experts. Instead of grounding us, it puts us in free fall. Instead of security we experience fear. Because our partner has caused us such deep pain, they now feel like a threat to our well-being rather than a source of comfort and rest. Sue Johnson, the founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples says that betrayal traumas, overwhelm coping capacities and define the relationship, as a source of danger rather than a safe haven in times of stress. You can make this process smoother if you acknowledge his attempts no matter how scripted or feeble. All humans need positive reinforcement, especially when they are working on relational repair. In the new book Help.Them.Heal, I am going to share situations which I am sure you will find some parallels or pieces to relate to as you examine your own relationship. Putting It Together Let s walk it through with an example: Let s say you are at your spouse s work event on a Friday evening. As the evening moves on, you become aware that your spouse is going to want to stay for a while longer. You might begin to feel frustrated, irritated, annoyed and begin thinking about how ridiculous this is, they always do this, does he/she think we are teenagers, what s wrong with them etc.