Bottom Lines, Border Lines and Top Lines All this discussion of sexual sobriety leads to the need to discuss exactly what constitutes a "relapse" in sex addiction. The simple answer is that relapse is defined as any sexual activity that falls outside of pre-determined boundaries. Sometimes people in 12-step recovery refer to acts that would constitute a relapse as "bottom-line behaviors". When activities are used habitually to escape pain, more dopamine is released in the brain. The brain rapidly adjusts to a higher level of dopamine. The user quickly finds themselves on a hamster wheel, seeking more exciting, more dangerous, more erotic or more taboo material to maintain the dopamine rush. As you read this blog, ask yourself if just for the morning, afternoon or evening, you might consider staying in the moment and creating a mindset that is reassuring and reminds you that you can choose to focus on the events of the day that create certainty: the blue sky, your baby s breath, the rhythm of your walk, your beautiful home what ever is safe and true for the moment. EMDR is a trauma-focused therapy that helps patients identify and process their trauma. Often, trauma gets stored in the right side of the brain (the emotional side). By stimulating both sides of the brain, EMDR shifts the traumatic memory from the right side of the brain to the left side (the logical side). If the addicted person fakes hitting bottom, he is back to playing his con games. The Addict is Responsible for His Own Recovery The addict is responsible for working on himself. Others can support his work toward sobriety, but no one can do the work for him. In addictions whether sexual or of any other kind the addict must be responsible for changing his perceptions, attitudes, actions, and self-concepts, as well as the belief system that underscores his addiction issues. This is a personal question. To the one struggling, it relates to their addiction and behaviors. The survivor tends to focus on wanting their spouse s addiction and behavior cured but realizes that is out of their control. For them, the question then goes to their need to heal and move forward from the wounds and trauma of betrayal.