With some of the messier, more complicated needs, if no clear option appears available to you right now and you are unable to come up with any alternatives after being active in your own hoop to communicate it relationally or attempt to meet it for yourself, can you surrender your need to God or your higher power, trusting that He may meet it or there may be something in it for you to learn about yourself? Katz and Michele Saffier June 2022 "Cathy s life has just been turned upside down. She picked up her husband s cellphone only to discover a loving message from his affair partner. Cathy s brain is spinning, and her emotions are all over the map. She feels embarrassed and alone, disconnected and detached from reality. Desperate to "recover right", most sex addicts are guarded about their early sexual choices and behaviors. Sex addicts often drag perfectionism, shame, and self-hatred into their sexual decision making process, which is what drove the addictive behaviors in the first place. While the first few months of sexual recovery does require somewhat rigid boundaries, it is essential to help addicts negotiate the line between healthy sexual recovery and a healthy nurturing of self. But if you are a person whose sexual behaviors have taken you where you don't want to go time and again then you may find a 90 day period of sexual abstinence to be a serious challenge. Any justification or rationale your brain can throw at you to undermine your resolve is likely to surface at different times. This is the trauma part of betrayal trauma. It is the enormous fear and panic response that our bodies are plunged into when our bond with our partner is threatened or severed. For most betrayed partners this experience is not short-lived. Betrayal has long-term impacts on the ability to trust, to feel safe, and to reconnect and re-engage with openness and vulnerability. Addiction affects dopamine levels in the brain making it difficult to maintain that same intense high. Consequently, an addict needs more and more of the behavior to achieve the same high. Sex addicts often report feelings of guilt, shame and remorse associated with their sexual experiences. Addicts may feel hopeless and powerless in their situation, believing they have no control over their sexual thoughts and actions.